where is the affirmation?

Friday, May 06, 2005

And so, school has begun.i wished it didn't.

rachael said this at 8:54 PM

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

There is no outlet for e unexpressed fear.

rachael said this at 1:34 AM

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Sunday, January 30, 2005

What sin did i commit in my last life,
That i deserve to feel like the present.

What hell did i do through before,
Only to be thrown deeper into another.

What memories did i left behind,
For it to come back to haunt me again and again.

What form have i been in the past,
Just to become the rotten carcass and maggot infested body that is now.

Seraphim, Sirens And Angels Of Death, Sisters Of Tragedy,
Write, Play and Sing our ghastly Poems, Sonatas and Anthems.

Close our eyes, drown in our sorrows and slowly fall asleep.
Fallen Angel from heaven,
Love save our souls.

For i know i can't,
Help myself anymore.
The reaper can't wait.

Before all things come to an end,
And i slumber,
Never to awake once more.

rachael said this at 12:17 AM

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Sunday, December 05, 2004

Recently, i had considered going back to church or even a Catholic church.I knew that catholics thought killing yourself was such a awful sin.Perhaps, if that was so, they might have a good way to persuade me out of it.I could ignore the rest and concentrate on my sin, and the priest would help me repent.

rachael said this at 11:42 PM

I met a shadow.It gave me a piece of paper.There was a number on it.It said something i couldn't quite figure out.i laughed and thought it was absurb.So i tore it up and went straight to bed.i dreamt of the asylum.

rachael said this at 3:09 AM

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Friday, December 03, 2004

know what.i hate the words "take care"just stop saying it cos it makes me wanna puke.and maybe u can lick it all up.

rachael said this at 6:17 AM

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Thursday, December 02, 2004

I feel terrible.rotten.depress.i think i'm sick all over.My hair,face,body,internal organs are all decomposing.nothing seems to be right.i seem to be always sick.i've been consuming so much antibiotics until i feel like puking.i think my system is fucked up already.i'm afraid.i'm so afraid of making that appointment to the doctor.i've been putting it off for awhile now.i even missed e appointment she gave me a few months back.tricking myself into believing i'll be well by then and i would never have to go back to see her after the first dose of medication.ha!what a lie.i'm just scared.i don't want to hear anything bad,i don't want to know what's wrong with me there or what new antibiotics i have to take again.ignorance makes me feel better.when i feel the discomfort in me,i freak out and then try to forget it all by reading or just doing silly things like poking the silly furballs.i think i'm afraid of doctors.i get so nervous and my heart beats so damn hard till i feel like i'm suffocating.it's getting unbearable,i have to go.why don't e bloody pain go away.let it be nothing serious i pray.

ps.i'm starting to get depress seeing this blogskin,may some kind soul come and offer some help in fixing a new one for me to make me feel a tad bit happier.i'll be really grateful.

rachael said this at 2:37 AM

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

another update after so long.i'm overwhelmed with things to say but i just can't seem to type them out.somehow,i think it's makes me vulnerable.i don't wish to shed another tear just because i think i've broken down more often than i thought i would these days.It's like i have this tear bag inside me,once the bag is emptied, i'll have to wait till the next weekend for it to be replenished.i want my life back.i desire for peace within myself,i yearned for those happy childhood days i had or at least the sweet little memories i have chose to keep.everyone says tough times make u a stronger person.but seriously how long can a person endure all those shit.how can you become strong when u've only just reached the surface to grasp for air only to find out another huge wave is about to hit u once again.for now, i would like to think i'll never drown.
i have never believed in selfless love,u convinced me.
"Love is just a word till someone you meet gives it a meaning."

rachael said this at 6:04 AM

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